Life Moves Quickly...Better Keep Up!

It's the fourth of October. My life has changed so much. I have grown and changed a lot myself. I lost a few people I started this journey on, and not by choice. It seemed like I'd never get over it, but in all honesty, it took me two weeks and then I scrapped my plate of all those attachments. They're not gonna come back anyway, why hold on? And if they do come back, well I'm not certain how it will unfold. I won't take bullshit anymore. I deserve better considering all of me I was dishing out and sacrificing. Oh well. I'm not angry anymore. Still hurt deep down, but I don't even think about it on a regular basis anymore, it's a part of my past that has lead me to where I am now. And yes I am grateful, the experience and knowledge I've gained in the past five months is something you can only get from living the way I was, and it wasn't always hugs and drugs. There was a lot of messed up shit I can't even begin to explain.

Anyway, that's just an update on that. There's so much going on in my life right now, its amazing how well I've adapted and I'm always keeping busy which is good. So when I find more time to write here trust that I will.

I'm still searching for something, this I am sure of.

. : One day you'll look back and see what you've given up. I hope it's not too late by then. : .

Hopeful Intentions

Today has brighter outlooks. I feel renewed. I hope this sticks, at least for a little while. I feel the need to search for someone to make me feel better, when I need to man up and feel empowered on my own. I'll get a grasp and go out there full force. I needed to emerge from the water and breath once again.

Thank you.

. : Eliminate the negatives in your life : .

Alone

I'm standing still.

I cannot breath.

Is this an illusion, or just a dream?

People talking.

Cars drive by.

I walk the streets, no one by my side.

My coffees cold.

It has no cream.

It's just as black, as my life and its theme.

The sky is melting.

Cracking up my soul.

I'm breaking down, I've lost control.

My mind morphs.

As you walk away.

I've never felt more lonely, watch me decay.

I'll close my eyes.

It's time to sleep.

And when I cry, I won't make a peep.

. : You can be alone, even when surrounded by friends : .

Another Day...

This is my first entry. I don't know what to say really. I have had quite a time, going through great ups and major downs. I need to find a way to not let things get to me. Garrr... I feel hopeless at the moment, things around me seem to be going so well, but inside it's all tangled and knotted. I don't want attention. I need to release my bundle of confusion and frustration but I don't know how. I think I'm gonna explode. I need friends that have my back at all times, but I feel a lack of that right now. Oh man. There are so many thoughts racing through my mind. I feel very lost and alone. This is a spiderweb affect from a few little things. Get over it Nikki! Get real!
Phew!

I've been living in parks and other random places for the past 3 weeks with a group of 'gypsies' if you will lol. At first it was me and my best friend Nahum, then our friend Angeline. Little by little we collected together and have made a group of 7 with family members intertwined. Things are always interesting and sometimes confusing, but we're all here for each other. I am emotionally everywhere lately it seems. But I guess the drugs play a big part in that, and my depression. Going head first into all of this has been a lot, but it will be something to learn from for sure.

At the moment I am quite bothered. I was hoping that writing a little will be good for me. And the little I have written has helped a great deal. I need to heal some more by playing my guitar. It's been far too long since I've jammed on my own. I'll come back to write more when I feel more stable, actually no, that's not a promise, I write a lot especially when I'm unstable lol, well with that in mind, I shall return eventually.

. : wrap your mind around truths that are purely fact : .